Of Privilege and History

Figueira da Foz

Currently sitting in Chicago after what seems like my husbands 800th surgery.  While here I’ve been trying to get my parents to consider moving to Portugal, after all anyone with a brain can see what’s happening here.

I’ll be brutally honest being older white Americans my parents aren’t likely to face harm from anyone, other than the government taking away their socially security and Medicare. With my dad’s health issues moving him would be an absolute last resort. I understand that, so I know why my parents don’t seriously consider moving to Portugal.

Perhaps moving to PT was prophetic in some way. My very first immigration appointment I was trying to converse politely in terrible Portuguese, and asked how the officer was doing and he said “saudade.” To which he was treated with an absolute blank (and probably somewhat deer in headlights) look. He was very adamant I learn this word and he tore off a piece of paper to write the word on and gave it to me so I could look it up. There is no direct translation the best I can do is, it’s a feeling of longing/melancholia for the past.

I wanted to touch on one thing that has made me sad (saudade) with all of this (gestures wildly to political climate/hard decisions being made/etc). I’m not personally sad about the future, in a global way I’m sad. Sad so many people are going to suffer unnecessarily, sad so many of my fellow Americans think it’s ok to step on others and hypocritically call themselves Christians, but not sad for me, at least not right now . I’m personally sad for the past. The days that won’t come again that I should have enjoyed more. I’m sad for the moments I missed thinking “I’ll do that later" or "there’s time for that later.”

I’ve always loved history and would have majored it in but wanted to major in something “practical” (as if my equine studies degree was practical 😂). Anyways, I’ve always loved history and in particular WWII. I wondered why more people didn’t leave Germany in the years leading up the war, and unfortunately now I know from experience. Outside the forest (or outside Germany circa the 30’s) it’s glaringly obvious what’s happening, just as it is here. Super easy to see, especially from the benefit of distance being in Portugal. It’s less clear however when you’re here in the US everyday. A frog in boiling water if you will. Some of it is absolute denial that all this craziness will actually go into effect and impact you. Part of it is hope that someone will do something about the Felon and grifter running the US before it gets too crazy. Some of it is simply that it's your home and you don't want to leave. Another component of it is being able to actually leave; physically and financially. The privilege aspect if you will.

I also feel crazy guilty. I know I’m so privileged to be able to peace out of here when so many who are genuinely in danger cannot. Another part of the guilt is staying and fighting for what is right. That being said I’ve seen how this played out before and it’s going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better.  

It’s hard to watch the news these days and not be overwhelmed and just turn it off, but unfortunately being uniformed is dangerous right now and will only get you blindsided. Honestly there is no easy answer for anyone. The only thing you can do is what you think is best to protect those you love, and try to help those who are in danger. If you are fortunate to still have a job and money donate, donate to your local food pantry, the aclu, npr, meals on wheels, animal rescues and others who will be hit hard in the upcoming months and years.